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As told by Lucy Saporta

'Twas the day before Christmas, and back at Eniva
Ben and Andy were working on a new Vibe formula.

The bottles were filled with fresh orange juice and then,
Some caffeine and vitamin C were mixed in.

Barry Edwards was nestled all snug in his bed,
As visions of dogs danced about in his head.

While Andy in his jammies, and Ben in his lab coat
Kept mixing ingredients for Vibe 3.0.

When back in the office there arose such a clatter,
Ben ran from the lab to see what was the matter.

Away down the hallway he flew like a flash,
While Andy stayed back to bag all the cash.

Curt Cishanowski was passed-out by the door
With empty bottles of Vibe strewn all about the floor

When, what to Ben's wandering eyes should appear,
But his number one sales rep - Randy Allen was here!

Such a fast talking scammer, so lively and quick,
He was wearing a costume to look like St. Nick!

More rapid than eagles his downline they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Thompson! Now, Correl! Now, Ricky Bandino!
On, Worman! On, Lidy Flom! On Pete Debono!

To the top of the pyramid! To the top of them all!
Now sell Vibe! Now sell Vibe! Now sell Vibe to all!"

As MLM products go, Vibe wasn't too bad.
But the way it was sold made some affiliates mad.

And people with questions could not get an answer,
While Randy was promising Vibe could cure cancer.

Testimonials were key to Randy's success
And he always amazed them with his big money checks.

Recruiting was easy, many answered his call,
Still affiliates wondered why THEIR checks were so small!

"Listen up!" Randy said to his hard-working crew.
"I have an announcement for all of you"

"You have worked for Eniva with great determination,
So I am sorry to inform you of your immediate termination."

With a look of rejection, true shock and dismay,
Eniva's top sales people just walked away.

He was dressed in a Santa suit, from his head to his toes,
He was chubby and short with a round pudgy nose.

His eyes they were bloodshot! His hair was uncombed!
And he looked like the Travelocity gnome.

A bottle and a box he had flung on his back,
With cell phone and laptop stowed away in his pack.

Randy laughed at his friends, and then walked to the right
Through the door to the lab, and was soon out of sight.

Ben got on his cell phone and quickly called Andy.
"We've got to do something to stop crazy Randy!

He fired all our best N.E.D.s on a whim,
And I have no idea what's come over him."

"Not to worry," said Andy, "It's all part of my plan.
To increase our income as fast as we can.

The money we would have paid out to those clowns,
Now stays at Eniva in our private account.

And with these restructuring changes you'll find
We'll keep all of the profits from their former downlines!"

Ben fell to the floor in stunned disbelief,
He was speechless and quite overwhelmed with grief.

All Ben ever wanted was to be an M.D.
He had worked and he'd studied to earn his degrees.

Brother Andy dropped out of old Madison U.
To sell MLM products - it was all he could do.

But when Andy suggested they both get together
To form a new company, brother and brother,

Andy asked, "Are you in?" and Ben said, "Yes, I am!"
 How could he have known it would be such a scam?

Tomorrow was Christmas - this all had to end.
Ben got to his feet and dialed Andy again.

No one answered, so he turned and reached for the door,
Stepping over Cishanowski, still asleep on the floor.

As he raced towards the lab with his cell phone in hand,
Ben dialed for "Team Burba" - he needed a plan!

Dr. Burba picked up and Ben told him the news.
Norman said, "On my way, and I'll bring Debra, too!"

Next he called Barry Edwards, still lying in bed,
 "Get over here and bring your dogs," Ben said.

At the door to the lab Ben awaited the others,
As he peeked through the window to look for his brother.

Randy stood all alone in his red Santa suit,
With his fuzzy white beard and his little black boots.

And then Andy returned bearing large bags of trash,
But when he gave them to Randy, Ben could see it was cash!

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,
And filled Santa's bag; then he turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his snout,
Opened up the back exit and quickly ran out.

He sprang to his Escalade parked in the rear,
Squealed the tires as he swerved to run over a reindeer.

But Ben heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Merry friggin' Christmas, losers! I've got the money, you've got the orange juice, and the WorldWide Scam Network got it right. Here's a big one-finger thumbs-up to Andy, Ben, the Burba Team, Barry "Bow-Wow" Edwards, Malcolm and all the rest of you suckers at Eniva. I'm heading for the Bahamas - have a crappy New Year! HO, HO, HO!"